You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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