Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
