So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?