Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.