Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.