i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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