a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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