thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
