i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
