Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
