idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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