my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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