I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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