Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
