did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
