he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
