I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
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We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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