If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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