So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
