Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
