For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
