Nicole vs. Life
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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