who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
