my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I want a musical about memes.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
