Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
