he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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