apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
