i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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