i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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