Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
