Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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