My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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