My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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