Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
