I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
