There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
