i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
