i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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