you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
