It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
