I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
