Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
