So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I need a beard to bite.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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