i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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