im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
