I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
