my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
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Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
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Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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