in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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