I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
