i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
