Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
