Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
