then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
