Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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