You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
