I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
