Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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