He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
