Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
